


Good Luck Charlie (Fullmetal) Season 1

by Silverlilac07



Series: Good Luck Charlie (Fullmetal) [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-09 02:35:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4330545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silverlilac07/pseuds/Silverlilac07
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teens Edward and Alphonse and their tween Sister Linda are typical kids, that is, until their mother has another baby. The arrival of their new sister completely upends the entire household. to keep Charlie out of trouble as she learns to sit up, crawl, walk and run. Alphonse, makes a personalized video diary for Charlie, adding a nugget of wisdom in each one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. S01E01 - Study Date

_**Good Luck Charlie** _

_\- S01E01 Study Date_

* * *

"Hi, Charlie, there you are." A 15 year old Alphonse Elric was in the kitchen with his video camera, filming his baby sister, who was sitting in a baby seat.

"Nine months old and look how cute you are." He then turned the camera to himself. "It's your big brother Alphonse here, and I'm making this video diary To help you survive our Special family." He then turned the camera back to charlie.

"Oh, hey." He began, as she brought the plate of bananas to her face. "Looks like dad taught you how to eat bananas." He then turned to Trisha Elric, his mom, who looked like she hadn't slept or bathed for days.

"Oh, and there's mom, Looking lovelier than ever this morning." Trisha glared at him.

"Not in the mood." Trisha then turned to charlie.

"Okay. I think you've had enough bananas. So we're switching to sweet peas! You're gonna love them. Look, mommy thinks they're so yummy." Trisha then put a small spoon of mashed sweet peas in her mouth, but immediately spit them out.

"Very smart." Al said turning the camera back to himself. Always make mommy try it first, okay?" He then headed into the living room where his brother Edward Elric was on his laptop.

"Oh, and there's your older brother Edward doing today's homework at the last minute as usual." Ed looked back at Al.

"I'm not doing homework." Ed laughed, "Homework is for pushovers and people with no self respect." Al turned back to the camera.

"There's a chance you two will be in high school together." Ed frowned at him but Al ignored him and brought the camera to the couch where his dad, Van Hohenhime(Elric) was sitting.

"Oh, and there's dad preparing for another day's work. He kills bugs for a living." Van rolled his eyes.

"Son, come on, we've been through this. I don't kill bugs. I'm a pest control specialist." Al turned the camera.

"Either way. So now you've met the whole family."

"Forgetting somebody?" Al turned the camera to the stairs. A young girl with long brown hair and green eyes was leaning on the railing with a back pack on.

"Lin! no no no. I didn't forget about you. I was just saving the best for last. Charlie, that was your younger older sister Linda, but everyone here just calls her Lin. You want to say something to Charlie?" Lin looked into the camera with a stale expression, and said,

"You ruined my life."

"Okay, so it's taking Lin a little bit longer To get used to you. You were kind of a surprise."

"I thought surprises were supposed to be good."

"And cut." Alphonse then turned off the camera.

"Okay, gang, listen up." Trisha began as she entered the living room, "I'm going back to work tonight at the hospital For the first time since Charlie was born, So I want everyone to stay at home and help dad with the baby."

"Wait no, mom." Al began. "I'm not gonna be here tonight. I have a study date at the library."

"You're studying with May," Ed started, as he walked up to Al. "The only thing you two will be studying is each other." He then began making kissy faces at him. Al blushed a little and glared.

"Oh, save it for your pillow." He retorted.

"I'm sorry, Alphonse, but you're just gonna have to reschedule." Trisha said.

"But, dad!"

"Van!" Trisha glared at her husband. Van brought his paper further up his face and sunk further into the couch.

"Uh, dad's not available right now." He murmured.

"Mom, don't take this the wrong way, But why did you guys have to have another baby?"

"Well, because three kids was just too easy. Three's for quitters."

And Alphonse, you know better than to schedule a study date with a girl I've never met." Van began. "Come on, as dad, it's my responsibility to know every detail of my kids' lives."

"Oh yeah?" Lin started, "What school do I go to?" Van sat there for a moment thinking.

"Um the one named after that president?" But before Lin could reply, Van started again.

"Hey, you know what? I've got to drive you kids to school."

"Let's go." Al said as he headed for the door.

"Wait," Lin got off the couch, "I haven't had breakfast yet.

"Come on, let's go." Van tried to hurry Lin out the door.

"Most important meal of the day - Never got it."

"Let's go! - I've gotta get you to... Roosevelt?"

"Lincoln."

"Got it."

* * *

"Van, honey, I'm leaving for work!" Trisha Called out as she entered the living room with Charlie in her arms. Van trotted downstairs.

"Okay, honey, here's Charlie's schedule." Trisha handed Van a paper with Charlie's schedule on it.

"It tells you when to feed her, When to change her and when to put her down."

"Sweetheart, would you relax? Big daddy's got this all under control."

"Okay, just because that's on your barbecue apron Doesn't make it true. Now if charlie gets fussy, her rubber ducky will calm her down. They're all over the place. Please be careful - They're all over the place."

"Honey You seem to forget I was fully involved in the raising of three kids." Lin, who was sitting on the couch laughed.

"Oh, yeah?" She began. "When's my birthday?"

"July 12th."

" That's Alphonse's birthday. mine is November 23rd."

"Got it." Trisha gave Charlie to Van then put on her coat. She looked back at her baby girl and smiled.

"Good luck, Charlie." She then gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Bye." She said as she gave her husband a quick kiss as well

"Bye." Trisha then headed out for her first day back at her job.

"Hey, dad?" Lin began.

"Yeah?"

"I have a homework question."

"Okay, fire away." Van sat down on the couch next to his daughter.

"Can the average human lick his own armpit?" Van sat there for a while thinking. He then lifted up his arm and tried to lick his own arm pit. After a few seconds he lowered his arm and turned back to Lin.

"Yeah."

"Thanks."

"So what was that, like a science question?"

"Nope." Lin laughed. Van just kind of sat there feeling a little stupid.

* * *

The door bell rang out through the Elric house. Alphonse ran through the living room.

"I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it. Nobody else get it!" He opened the door and a small girl with long black hair and deep blue eyes stood in the doorway with her backpack.

"Hi." Al said with a smile.

"Hi." She smiled as well. Then Van popped in with Charlie in his arms.

"Hi! I'm Alphonse's dad." And now nobody was smiling.

"Nice to meet you, sir." She said nervously as Alphonse let her inside and shut the door.

"Uh, May and I are studying for our biology test tomorrow." Al stated.

"Are you, now?" Van asked.

"Yes. yes, we are, so can everyone please leave?" May then turned to walk away, but Al caught her by her bag.

"Not you." May then smiled and sort of skipped over to the couch and sat down. Al was about to join her when his dad pulled him away.

"Alphonse."

"Yeah?"

"I thought your mom said no study date."

"Yeah, at the library."

"Oh, right. Okay, so then you've talked to her about this?"

"Of course I did." Van then continued to stare at him.

"I mean, I'm I'm pretty sure I did." He started nervously, "It's just I talk to so many different people about so many different things."

"Why is there a giant bug in your house?" May asked, referring to the giant plastic bug on the shelf by the TV. Van quickly headed over to explain.

"That, my friend, is the Jerusalem cricket, Better known to the layman as the potato bug. I'm an exterminator."

"Here we go." Al sighed.

"Hey, have you seen my ad on local cable 'Van's bugs be gone'?"

"Yeah, how do we make Van be gone?" Al smiled sarcastically.

"Okay." Van began, "You've got homework to do. I've got a diaper to change. Hers not mine. I ain't that old!" Al and May just kind of stared at him. Van sighed. "I'm gonna be upstairs." He said as he headed up the stairs. Alphonse then turned to Lin who was still sitting on one of the chairs in the living room.

"Lin out." He simply stated.

"Okay, fine." She sighed as she got up, "but when's that cute girl getting here?"

"Out!" Al blushed and practically chased his sister out of the room. He turned back to May.

"Kids."

"Yeah." They both sat down on the blue sofa. Alphonse grabbed the text book that was sitting on the coffee table. May opened her bag then turned back to Al.

"Oh, I think I left my book at school." She said innocently.

"Oh, that's okay, we can just share mine." Al then scooted in closer, "Is that okay?"

"Perfect." She smiled.

"Good, Cause I'm all about the learnin'." He said awkwardly.

"Let me just grab a pencil." May began as she turned back to her bag.

"Oh yeah, I might have one." Al said as he did the same. He pulled out some minty breath spray as May applied another layer of lip balm. They then turned back to each other.

"I think I left my pencils at school." May said sweetly.

"Me too." Al said, making sure to blow a little in her direction so she wouldn't miss the minty scent. They both slowly began to lean in.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" They quickly pulled apart when they heard the noise coming from the basement. "Edward and the Vibe!" They then heard the sound of drums and a guitar.

"Wow," May started, "Sounds like you live right next door to that weird Edward kid."

"hmm. Yeah, he's not next door." Al began a little annoyed, "He's downstairs... And he's my brother."

"Oh! oh, I'm I'm sorry." May began apologizing as they both stood up.

"Yeah, me too." Alphonse then headed to the stairs to the basement.

* * *

"Wait wait wait! stop stop! Emma, you were supposed to open with the downbeat." Edward exclaimed as he turned to the girl on the drums. She was average height, short black hair, tan brown skin, and really brown eyes. She was a bit of a tomboy, which was one of the reasons she and Edward were best friends.

"Dude, I'm percussion, Let me "percush"!" Alphonse then came down the stairs.

"For crying out loud, guys!" Emma accidentally bumped into one of her snares and it fell to the floor. She quickly went to retrieve it and the awkwardly stood up.

"What's up?" She said, trying to act cool. Al just stared at her for a second then turned back to Ed.

"Can you please turn it down? We're trying to study."

"No can do, bro. There's only one level in rock 'n' roll, and that is loud!" He then played his guitar as loud as he could.

"Whoa whoa." Emma began, "I think we can accommodate your little brother."

"Excuse me, But the band is called Edward and the vibe."

"So what, the Vibe doesn't get a say?" She then turned to Al "I I'm the vibe."

"Yeah, I got that."

"Oh, so you got my vibe, huh?" Al then continued to stare at her. "I'm gonna be over here." She said awkwardly.

"Turn it down now." Al said.

"You will not censor my art." Ed began, " I will not be silenced!" He then began playing like a mad man. Al rolled his eyes and walked over to the amp and unplugged it.

"hey!" Edward said.

"If I have come down here again, this gets plugged in somewhere else, Okay?" He then dropped the cord on the floor and headed back upstairs.

"Yo, who's he up there studying with anyway?" Emma asked.

"Some girl he's totally into." Ed simply said.

"I can't believe he's cheating on me."

"He's not cheating on you. He barely knows you exist."

"No, see, our relationship is just developing slowly."

"No, there is no relationship."

"Yes, there is."

"No, it's all in your head!"

"No, it's not, 'cause even my mum know about it."

* * *

"Now then, where were we?" Alphonse asked as he sat back down on the couch with his book. he then realized he sat a bit further away from May then he wanted.

"You know, actually, I think you were a little bit closer." He said, wanting to get close to her again. May just smiled and scooted in closer to Al.

"All right cellular respiration." Alphonse began, but he stopped when May began to reach across his chest to the lamp on the side table. She turned off the lamp, then slowly drew herself back and looked up to Al.

"Do you mind?"

"not at all." Al smiled. "While we're at it." Alphonse grabbed one of the rubber duckies and threw it at the stereo. A soft and romantic jazz song began to play. they sat there staring at each other, and slowly the inched closer, until they were almost touching.

"What are you doing?" they both jumped apart at the sudden interruption.

"Oh! Lin! What do you want?" Alphonse asked, very annoyed.

"Dinner! Nobody's fed me all day! And I am still part of this family, right?"

" There's a half-eaten sandwich in the fridge Knock yourself out." Lin glared at Al for a second before heading into the kitchen.

"All right. now my siblings are all taken care of, and there will be no more interruptions."

"Alphonse!" Van called from upstairs. Al shot from the couch and rushed to the stairs.

"Oh, god! What do you want?!" Van came rushing down the stairs.

"I need you to watch the baby for a sec." Van then tripped on one of the yellow rubber flew from his arms and Van went bouncing down the stairs. Alphonse and May both watched in horror as Charlie flew through the air. Van was the luckiest man that day, because when he got to the bottom he caught Charlie right in his arms. Everyone was silent for a few seconds.

"Nobody tells mom!" Van finally exclaimed. Alphonse hurriedly plucked Charlie from his dad's arms.

` "Come here, Charlie, oh, yeah. Charlie's fine."

"Ooh! But I'm not." Van said, still sitting on the floor. "Uh, Alphonse, Tell Edward to fire up the bug truck, I think I gotta go to the hospital. Oh, and Alphonse, you're gonna have to watch the baby."

"Nooooooo! Okay."

* * *

"Relax, we'll be the hospital in 10 minutes" Edward said as he and Van drove down the road in the bug truck.

"Okay, just please please hurry." Van said in pain. "Oh, wow! My butt is on fire!"

"That is so weird!" Ed began, "Last week, Emma and I wrote a song With that exact same title."

"That's great, son, just please don't sing -"

"My butt is on fire!?" Ed began singing.

"Stop it."

"It's the size of a tire!"

"Stop it!" Ed stopped and they just sat there for a few seconds.

"Punch buggy!" Ed said as he punched his dad in the arm.

"Ow! What are you doing?! Could you drive, please?!"

"Hey, you want to play license plate game?"

"No!"

"Michigan." Ed said not being able to resist.

* * *

Alphonse paced through the living room, bouncing Charlie in his arms, while he tried to feed her.

"Maybe I should go." May said, standing up from the couch.

"No!" Alphonse quickly turned back to May. "Um, she's almost done with bottle And then she'll go right to sleep. Then we can study."

"Now, uh, where were we?" Alphonse asked as he sat down on the couch next to May, with Charlie still in his arms.

"What is cellular respiration?" May asked.

"That's when glucose and other compounds oxidize to produce chemical energy, water and carbon dioxide." Alphonse answered with pride. He then caught the scent comming from his baby sister.

"Also known as poop."

* * *

"Oh, boy." Van groaned as he laid on his stomach in the emergency room. They were in a room with three areas blocked off by curtains.

"Hang in there, dad." Ed said as he gave his dad a slap on the back. Van jolted in pain.

"Wow! Butt... fire... spreading. Where's the doctor?"

"I'll go see." Ed went to go find a doctor, but his dad stopped him before he could get any further.

"Okay, wait wait wait, we don't want mom to know we're here, right? So please be careful. Just try and blend in."

"Dad, come on. It's hard for this to blend in." he said as he gestured to his face and smirked.

"Just figure something out." Ed then left and tried to figure out a way to blend in.

"figure something out, figure something out." He repeated to himself. He then spotted a doctors white coat and smiled. He grabbed it off the rack on put it on. He headed to the door and opened it, only to shut it again.

"Mom!" His mom had been standing right outside in the hallway. Edward hurried into the first curtain area. A little boy with a fish hook was sitting on the hospital bed.

"You're the doctor?" The kid asked.

" Yes, I am." He began a little uncertain of what he was doing. He looked down at his name tag.

"I am doctor Ssshhhhandrasooleewan."

"Are you Indian?" Edward stared at the kid for a second.

"Moving on," he finally said.

"Are you sure you're a real doctor? You look kinda young." The boy continued. Ed chuckled.

"You sound like my wife." He went over to the side table and grabbed the silver folder, but ll the papers fell out and on to the floor, so he just tossed it a side and sat down in the chair next to the bed.

"Okay, uh What seems to be the problem?"

"I have a fish hook in my lip!"

"How'd this happen?"

"My dad is not a very good fisherman."

"Hey, mine's not a very good walking-down-the-stairs man." Ed then tugged a little at the fishing line and chuckled.

"So I'm guessing you're a 97-pounder."

* * *

Alphonse was in the kitchen alone trying to get Charlie to go to sleep.

"Hush, little baby don't say a word, Alphonse wants to kiss a really cute girl." He quietly sung to her. May came into the kitchen.

"How's it going?" She asked.

"Well, we're getting there." As Alphonse continued to rock back an forth, humming, May slowly began to lean on his shoulder and rocked with him. It was then that Emma walked into the room.

"Well well well." She said as Al and May turned to her.

"What have we here?"

"Emma," Al began, "why are you still here?"

"Well, I was looking for the kitchen, But I seem to have stumbled upon the ballroom." She said sarcastically. Then the phone rang. Alphonse went to pick it up.

"hello?"

"Alphonse, it's Mrs Dabney from next door."

"No, I have not seen your cat." Al started.

"I'm calling about your sister; she's eating me out of house and home Lin! Step away from the pie!"

"Okay, I'll be right there." He then hung up the phone.

"All right, May I'll be back in like two minutes. Don't go anywhere. Emma...go somewhere." He then hurried out the door. Emma turned to face May.

"So what do you think you're doing with my boyfriend?"

"He's not your boyfriend."

"Okay, maybe me and you need to step outside." Emma placed her hand on May's shoulder. May quickly grabbed a hold of Emma's wrist and flipped her. Emma kind of just laid there gasping for breathe.

* * *

Edward left the first curtained area, but had to once again hide in the second one, because Trisha had just walked into the room. In the second curtained area a bigger more hairier man was lying on his stomach.

"You here to give me my sponge bath?" The man asked. Edward just stared at him for a second before dashing out of the area and back into the opened room.

"Edward?" Ed turned around to see his mom.

"Hey, mom."

"What are you doing here?"

"I'll tell you what I'm not doing here Giving sponge baths to big hairy guys." Trisha gave him a stern looked and approached him, so Ed started backing up.

"So, mom, what's what's the happs? What's -" But before he could finish he leaned on the third curtained area and accidentally pulled down the curtain, and fell to the ground. Van looked up from the bed to see his wife.

"Hey, honey!"

"Van!?"

"Nice work, son." Van murmured as he glared at Ed.

"Okay, what's going on here?" Trisha asked.

"Dad fell down the stairs and broke his butt."

"You weren't holding the baby, were you?" She frantically asked as she turned back to her husband.

"Um, yes, Then no, then yes again."

"Van, you promised me you weren't gonna drop this one!"

"Honey, look, it was just a little accident. Oh, and by the way, for the record an amazing catch!"

"I knew this was a huge mistake. I never should've gone back to work."

"Sweetheart, this is all gonna be okay."

"No. no, it's not. It's too hard, I can't do this. I mean, what made me think I could go back to work full time and take care of four kids? I'm a terrible mother." She sighed as she sank into one of the doctor chairs.

"No no, you're not. Look, if anything, I'm a horrible father."

"I know!" Trisha cried.

"Would you guys chill? You're great parents." Ed started. "Alphonse, Lin and me turned out pretty good."

"Yeah, come on." Van began, "We've got to be doing something right. I mean, hey, look at this our son's a doctor." Trisha giggled a little.

"I'm serious. With both of us working, Poor little Charlie doesn't stand a chance."

"Come on, no one's going solo on this. All us kids are gonna help out, And if charlie gets a little messed up along the way, We can all share the blame." Ed said.

* * *

"Lin!" Al exclaimed as he stood on the front porch of Mrs. Dabney's house with Charlie still in her arms. Lin was partially pushed out the door by Mrs. Dabney.

"Sorry about that, Mrs Dabney, but you probably shouldn't let her in."

"I didn't let her in. She crawled through the cat door." Alphonse looked down at his little sister with a disapproving look.

"Lin, is there something you want to say to Mrs Dabney?"

"Yeah." She started, "What are you fixing tomorrow night?"

"The cat door. Gonna make sure it's locked."

"Okay. I think we're done here. Good night." Al said.

"It is now." Mrs. Dabney snarked as she headed back into her house.

"All right, let's go." Al said as he started down the porch steps. She soon realized that Lin was still sitting on the bench on the porch.

"What are you doing?"

"Oh, so now you're suddenly interested in me?"

"Lin, you're my little sister, I've never been interested in you...I'm kidding." Alphonse walked over to the bench and sat down next to Lin.

"What's going on?"

"Ever since the baby arrived, Everyone's been ignoring me. I feel like I'm invisible. I'm just the loser middle kid Like you."

"Just because I'm a middle kid doesn't make me a loser."

"Then what does make you a loser?"

"Hey! I am not a loser. Okay? And I was a baby once, and then you came along, and I was not happy about it. But then you peed on Edward and I thought, Hey, give the kid a shot." Lin laughed a little at the idea of a baby her peeing on Edward.

"Look," Al continued, "Someday you're gonna feel the same way a bout Charlie that I feel about you."

"Well, how do you feel about me?"

"Let's put it this way The hottest girl in school is at our house right now, And I'm here with you." Lin smiled a little. They both looked down at a gigiling Charlie.

"Look how cute she is." Al smiled, but soon after Charlie threw up on him staining the black jacket he was wearing. Lin began to laugh hystericlly.

"I am warming up to her already!"

* * *

Alphonse flew down the stairs back to the couch were May was sitting.

"Okay, Charlie's asleep, Lin's playing a video game And we are finally alone." They both looked into each other's eyes and began to lean in for a third time. This was it, no more distractions.

"Hey, everybody!" Van and Edward came bursting through the door, and once again Al and May jumped away from each other. Al just glared at his brother and dad

"I have a bruised coccyx." Van kind of sounded like he was drunk or high on pills.

"Oh, come on! That's a funny word...Coccyx!" He then began to laugh. Ed looked at Al and explained.

"The doctor gave him pain medication." Edward then left for the kitchen. Then there was a sudden honk.

"Wow! Was that me?" Van started, "Sorry. I'm a little numb down there."

"Uh, actually, that's my ride." May said as she stood up.

"Of course it is." Al sighed.

"It's good to meet you, young lady." Van said as he shook Al's hand, he then turned to May.

"Oh, good night, son." He then kissed her on the forehead and headed of to bed.

"Good night, sir." May replied awkwardly. Before she left, she turned back to Al who was leaning against the door. She tried to lean in for one last chance, but the honk of her dad's car separated them.

"Good night." She smiled.

"Good night." Al sighed. he closed the door and leaned against it.

"Coccyx!" He heard his dad cry from upstairs, and he couldn't help but smile a little.

* * *

Alphonse was now sitting in his room with his camera.

"So that's how dad got my first kiss, and how you flew for the first time, but the good news is...Nah, there is no good news." Suddenly his phone went off and he went to check his text message.

"I take that back! It's a text from May! She wants to hang out with me tomorrow night At her house! Oh! I've gotta go wash your puke out of my jacket. Oh, and, uh, one more thing When you're my age and you meet a cute boy, Do not, under any circumstances, ever ever bring him home. Cause if you do, well, Good luck Charlie."


	2. S01E02 - Baby Come Back

_**Good Luck Charlie** _

_\- S01E02 Baby Come Back_

Alphonse was standing in the living room with his video camera

"Hi, charlie Alphonse here. So right now you're nine months old and everything is going great. Well, almost everything. Now what I'm about to show you is kind of disturbing, So brace yourself." Alphonse then headed into the kitchen where the rest of the family was. Van and Trisha were by the kitchen counter making lunch for the kids.

"Mmm, these sandwiches will be yummy wummy." Trisha started talking in baby talk.

"Yes, they will, yes, they will." Van added. Alphonse turned back to the camera.

"Mom and dad have been talking like that ever since you arrived And if it's not over soon, I'm gonna go crazy wazy." Al then turned of the camera. Lin headed over to the table where Edward was listening to something on his phone.

"Edward!" Lin called, trying to get his attention. Ed took of his headphones for a second.

"What?"

"What are you listening to?"

"I downloaded a podcast on the history of ballet."

"You like that?"

"More than baby talk." He then put his headphones back on.

"Would you like some fishy wishies with your cookie wookie?" Trisha asked her husband.

"Yes, I would, yes, I would." Al looked around the kitchen and noticed that Charlie wasn't even there.

"Wait, guys, charlie isn't even here."

"No, widdle baby take a nappy wappy upstairs." Trisha said.

"So why are you guys still talking like that?" Van leaned on the counter and looked back at Al.

"I don't "weawy" know." He said.

"I guess we're just kinda fried." Trisha added.

"Well, we work all day, take care of a baby all night. Work shift, baby shift- I've barely got time to make doo-doo." Van said.

"Well, when was the last time you guys had a night out?" Al started, "You know, like just the two of you, like a date?" Van and Trisha just looked at Al for a second before they both burst into fits of laughter.

"Alphonse made a funny." Van laughed.

"A funny wunny." Trisha added. Al just rolled his eyes and continued.

"Seriously! You know what? It's Saturday night. You two, you go out, have fun, And do something besides work, take care of the baby and make doo-doo."

"Well, it's nice to dream, but who's gonna take care of Charlie?" Trisha asked.

"Hello!" Alphonse then put both of his arms around Ed and Lin. "You've got three great babysitters right here."

"I'm glad I didn't hear that!" Ed shouted through his podcast.

"I don't know, Alphonse," Trisha started, "It's a really nice thought, But we're really not ready to go out without charlie just yet."

"You guys want to see a magic trick?" Lin interrupted.

"Sure!" Trisha smiled.

"Prepare to be amazed." Lin took a hold of the table cloth and gave it a yank. Everything on the table went flying to the floor. Trisha and Van kind of just looked at the mess for a second.

"I could use a night out." Trisha said, heading into the living room.

* * *

Alphonse was holding Charlie as he walked his mom and dad through the living room to the door.

"All right, you guys have fun. Stay out as late as you want. But not too much fun- we have enough kids already." Trisha and Van smiled as they started out the door. However Al quickly stopped his dad by placing his hand on his chest.

"I'm serious." Van just rolled his eyes.

"Okay, everyone, be good, have fun, love you." Trisha called out.

" Yeah yeah." Ed and Lin both said from the couch. They were both preoccupied with their own thing to really care. Van turned back to Al.

"Hey, Alphonse, thanks for doing this. It's gonna be nice for your mom and I to have some special time together."

"Van, move your butt!" Trisha called from the car.

"I'm coming!" Van called back as he shut the door behind him.

"All right," Al started as he headed over to the couch. "so if we divide it up evenly, We each get to spend an hour with Charlie. Who wants to go first?"

"I think you should go first." Lin said.

"And second and third," Ed added, "since this was your idea."

"Hey, I'm not doing this all by myself. You guys have to help out."

"Fine." Ed groaned as he stood up from the couch, "I'll go fourth."

"There is no fourth." Al said.

"I meant I shall go forth to the park to shooteth some hoop." Al then shoved Charlie in his arms.

"You want to go to the park so badly, Then why don't you just take Charlie?"

"What's a baby supposed to do at the park?"

"Babies love parks. You can show her the duck pond, The blue sky, clouds."

"We're just gonna look at stuff? That's what tv is for."

* * *

Ed was at the park playing basket ball by himself. He stopped for a second as he looked over to Charlie, who was sitting in her stroller.

"Hey there, charlie. Are we having fun yet?" Charlie smiled and laughed.

"You wanna see your big brother make a three-pointer shot?" Ed turned back to the hoop and made the shot.

"Yeah! That's what I'm talking about." He grinned. "Your big brother is pretty cool, huh?" He then placed the ball beneath the stroller. It was then that a fat man in a purple spandex and red cape showed up.

"Hey, you seen a kid's birthday party around here anywhere? I'm the entertainment." The fat man said.

"I saw a bounce house on the other end of the park."

"A bouncy house, eh? Great. Another trip to the E.R."

"Who are you supposed to be anyway? Plastic man, rubber man?"

"No, those are all registered trademarks. I'm captain stretchy. There used to be a "CS" here on my chest, but it came off in the wash."

"So what's your super power?"

"Super elasticity. Hey, look, there's a quarter." He bent down to get the coin, but it was too much of an effort and he gave up.

"Ah, forget it. Not like it's a dollar, right?" Captain Stretchy then headed off into the direction of the party, and Ed started in the opposite direction, but quickly turned around when he saw the pretty girl with the same stroller he had.

"Hi." He smiled at her.

"Hi." She smiled back.

"I like your taste in strollers." Ed said.

"Thanks, you too." The girl then looked down at Charlie, "Oh, wow, that baby's so cute."

"You too. Oh, I mean yours too."

"I'm Ella."

"I'm Edward. Who's this little guy?"

"My brother. We're just out for our stroll. We do this every day."

"Us too. Like I always say, babies love parks. Would you like to sit for a bit?"

"Sure." They both headed over to the bench and sat down.

"So I saw you talking to captain stretchy earlier." Ella said.

"Oh, yeah, he was lost. Not much of a superhero, right?"

"Oh, he's the worst. We hired him for my brother's birthday party - And he sat on the cake."

"That sounds awful."

"Oh, it gets worse. The candles were lit, so he sat in the punch."

"That is so weird. I me he looks like such a quality entertainer." Ella giglled a little.

"You know, Edward, I'm really impressed that you take your baby sister to the park. My brothers would never do anything like that."

"I hope not. She is my sister." Ella giggled again.

* * *

Alphonse was sitting on the couch while Lin was trying to show him another magic trick.

"Now watch closely." She started, "In this hand I have a quarter And in the other, an ordinary egg. Now I put them in this hat, spin them around a little And presto." She turned the hat over and the egg and quarter fell out onto the coffee table, and the egg broke and splattered. Al kind of just looked at it for a second.

"Just out of curiosity, What was supposed to happen?" He asked. Edward then came into the room.

"I love this baby!" He said as he closed the front door. "Anytime she wants to go to the park, sign me up."

"What happened to you?" Al asked as he got off the couch.

"Let's just say Charlie made a friend, Edward made a friend."

"Oh- and did either you Or your friend bother to change a diaper?" Al took the stroller and went to go change her diaper.

"There's no time for that." Ed started, " I was too busy talking to Ella.

"Who's Ella?" Lin asked.

"A vision, An angel, the girl who's moved into my heart."

"Did you tell her about the vacancy in your brain?"

"Edward?" Al interrupted.

"What?"

"You brought home the wrong baby."

"What!? I did not." He said as he headed over to the stroller.

"Take a look! Wrong parts." The baby then began to pee.

"There's nothing wrong with those parts." Lin said.

"How could you bring home the wrong baby?" Al started.

"I'm sorry. I got a little distracted. Ella is really cute."

"Yeah, well, so was our sister. Come on, let's go to the park and find her."

"Relax! I got her number."

"Then what are you waiting for? Call her." Ed pulled out his phone and was about to call her when he stopped.

"Wait a second." He started, "Is it too soon? If I call now, she'll think I'm desperate."

"Oh, you are desperate."

"Good point." He dialed in the number and the phone began to ring.

"Hello, is Ella there?... This is a Chinese restaurant? Sure, I'll hear the specials." Alphonse rolled his eyes and grabbed the phone.

"She gave you the wrong number."

"Who couldn't see that one coming?" Lin laughed from the couch.

"But I gave her gum and helped her change a poopy diaper. It was so romantic."

"Well, what do we do now?" Al asked, then the phone began ringing. Al looked at the caller I.D. and sighed.

"Oh no!" He then answered the phone. "Hi mom, what up? Yeah, everything's going great, why wouldn't it be? We're just having a grand old time here with... Baby. Yeah, sure you can talk to him, I mean her, her! Talk to mommy." But the baby wouldn't say anything so Al brought the phone back to his face.

"Ooh-ooh ee ahh-ahh. What do you mean that didn't sound like Charlie? What, do you just think I'm making baby noises into the phone? Mom, that's crazy. All right, bye. Say bye, Charlie. Ooh ahh-ahh-ahh." He then quickly hung up.

"Not that I'm in the position to criticize," Ed began, "But I was getting more monkey."

"Come on, let's go to the park."

"And meet the girl who blew off Edward? I'm there." Lin said as she jumped off the couch.

* * *

Edward, Alphonse, Lin, and Charlie arrived at the park looking for Ella.

"I don't see her." Ed said.

"Edward, what did she look like?" Alphonse asked

"She was hot, but what does it matter?"

"Maybe we should call someone." Lin suggested, "Who do you call when you switch a baby?"

"Captain stretchy!" Ed exclaimed as he noticed that captain stretchy was still there.

"Who is that?" Al asked.

"You're still here?" Ed walked over to him.

"Every Saturday and Sunday all day long. Stay in school, kids."

"Just the guy we needed to see. I think you can help us." Ed said.

"Hey, kid, I'm just an entertainer. I can't get mommy and daddy back together."

"No, you don't understand. I was talking to a girl here earlier, And she said that you worked a party for her brother."

"So? I work lots of parties."

"Where was the party where you fell on the cake?"

"You got three hours?"

"This is really important." Al interrupted, "We need to find her."

"Interesting situation." Stretchy began, "You kids need info, - And I need a mirdle."

"What is a mirdle?" Al asked.

"That's a man girdle, and they ain't cheap."

"Yeah, neither is dry cleaning, apparently." Al said as he noticed Stretchy's dirty costume.

"Her name's Ella." Ed began, "Did she come back to the park?"

"Well, maybe she did." Stretchy started to rub his fingers together. "And maybe she didn't." Ed started at the man then finally pulled out his wallet and handed the man a five.

"Here's what I know: Her name is Ella."

"I just told you that."

"I didn't say the information was fresh. Yeah, I know the girl. She comes from a big family- seven, eight kids. For them I've been Astronaut pete, cowboy bob -"

"Magic marv?" Lin interrupted as she recognized the names.

"Yeah! You're familiar with my work."

"Yeah, and it stinks." She started. "I'm just starting off and I'm a better magician than you are."

"Oh yeah? You think this is easy, huh? Here." Stretchy pulled out a long yellow balloon and handed it to Lin.

"Turn that into a schnauzer." He started, "You can't do it, huh? Maybe it's because you don't have the chops!" Lin just glared at the man.

"Well, stretchy, do you know where she lives?" Al asked.

"Yeah, around here somewhere. I'd know it if I saw it."

"Great! Now you help us tonight and we'll get you into that mirdle tomorrow. Oh, and you understand we're not actually Gonna put you in it? That you have to do by yourself."

"Yeah, I get it."

"All right, come on, guys, we have to go find her." Al said as he went to exit the park.

"captain stretchy, away!" Stretchy started in the opposite direction before Ed stopped him.

"Truck's this way." Ed said.

"Oh, okay." Stretchy said sheepishly.

* * *

Van and Trisha were both sitting in a Mexican styled restaurant.

"Order whatever you want, honey. I get a discount here. This place is one of my best customers." Van smiled.

"Not what you want to hear from an exterminator." Trisha murmured. She then heard a baby cry and looked over at the other table to see a big family with a stroller just like the one she had for Charlie.

"Oh, look at that." She cooed. Van looked over and noticed to food the waiter had.

"Oh, fajitas."

"Not that, the baby. A little baby in a stroller just like ours."

"Yeah, okay, honey, this is supposed to be a night away from the baby. So let's come back."

"Okay okay, I'm back. I'm back." Trisha then rose from her seat. "Just gotta run to the ladies' room." But before she left Van stopped her.

"Oh oh, hey, listen, while you're in there, Could you check the traps?" Trisha rolled her eyes and headed to the bathroom. She stopped by the stroller to glance at the little baby, but instantly stopped. She stood there staring at the child, until the family noticed her. Trisha looked at the family and smiled.

"Hola." She waved. "Adios." She then scurried back to her husband.

"Van, will you go over and look at that baby? I think it's Charlie."

"What?!"

"You heard me, that is Charlie!"

"Sweetheart, would you sit down, please?"

"I will not sit down. A mother knows her own baby and that is my baby!"

"Honey, seriously, what do you think happened here? In the last hour somebody went over to our house, Borrowed our baby then brought her out for chips and guac?"

"I don't know, it's a big family. Maybe that's how they get their babies!"

"Sweetheart, I think you're just missing Charlie And you're having a little separation anxiety."

"You're right. Crazy wazy. I mean, that isn't possible, right?" She laughed.

"Exactly." Trisha then rose from her seat again.

"I'm just going to go to the ladies' room one more time."

"Sit down. Now let's enjoy the rest of our night out At this very lovely restaurant. Okay?"

"Okay." Trisha finally relaxed and started eating the chips on the table. One of the waiters came over and whispered something into Van's ear. When the waiter left Van grabbed one of the glasses on the table.

"I'm needed in the kitchen." He then headed to the kitchen doors. Trisha looked at her chip for a sec before putting it down.

* * *

It was now dark outside and Edward, Alphonse, Lin, Charlie, and Stretchy were all in the bug truck searching for Ella's house.

"Charlie!" Al called.

"Ella!" Ed called

"Charlie!"

"Ella!"

"Marco!" Lin called

"Polo." Stretchy answered.

"Lin, not helping." Alphonse stated, "Stretchy, is any of this looking familiar?"

"Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't."

"You are not getting any more money!" Al exclaimed.

"No, I have night blindness. All I'm seeing is shapes."

"Why didn't you mention that earlier?"

"I needed a ride home. Stop here, oh great, Mom's up. Maybe I'll just hang with you kids."

"Captain stretchy, away." Alphonse said as he pointed to the car door. Stretchy then exited the car and headed inside his house.

"Now what?" Lin asked.

"We didn't hit the streets on the north end of the park." Ed started.

"Ed, we can't keep driving around all night. It's over, we have to tell mom and dad." Al said.

"But-"

"no, it'll be okay. They'll know what to do, they always do."

"How am I gonna tell them I lost our baby sister? I'm the oldest. They're gonna think I'm the most responsible."

"Edward, if it makes you feel any better, Nobody thinks that."

"Why do I always mess everything up?"

"You know what? This could have happened to any of us...All right, probably most likely you, but- This one, we're all in it together."

"Thanks."

"Hey, look," Lin leaned up to the front of the car with a card. "Captain stretchy dropped his driver's license... 175 pounds my butt." She laughed as she threw the card out the window.

* * *

Ed, Al, Lin and Charlie entered the restaurant.

"There they are." Ed said as he pointed them out at a table.

"All right, let's get this over with." Al sighed. Ed then noticed the mariachi band.

"Do you think it would be better or worse if we had the mariachi deliver the news?" He asked.

"If it's in Spanish, probably better." Al said. He then went to go tell his parents the bad news, but was immediately stopped by Ed.

"Wait, I don't believe it. That's Ella." He said as he noticed the blonde girl sitting at the table with the big family and the same stroller as theirs.

"So that's Charlie. Yes! Oh, we're saved." Al smiled

"Not quite." Lin said. Van and Trisha had noticed the kids and were now waving at them.

"Hey, kids." Trisha smiled.

"What now?" Ed said through a fake smile.

"I'll let you know when I think of it." Alphonse then headed over to the table.

"Mom, dad, hi."

"Hi."

"What are you doing here?" Van asked.

"We just realized you must be missing Charlie, So we brought her."

"Oh, Alphonse, you're not fooling me." Trisha began.

"I'm not?"

"Nope. You spent a little too much time with Charlie And you're ready to hand her over early."

"Well, I wouldn't say too much time." Al murmured.

"Well, I am ready too, so let me at her. Gimme gimme gimme." Trisha practically popped out of her seat, but Alphonse sat her back down.

"Mom, mom, mom. You're on a date. Let me bring her to you." Alphonse then scurried back over to Lin and began whispering in her ear.

"Here? Wait, now? Well, all right." Lin then went over to her parents.

"Hey mom, hey dad." She smiled.

"Hi, baby."

"There's something I want to show you."

"What is it, honey?" Trisha asked as she nibbled on a chip. Lin quickly grabbed the table cloth and yanked it as hard as she could. Food went flying everywhere, and in the confusion Alphonse picked up the boy baby and hurried over to the other table where Ella handed him Charlie and Al handed her her brother, Alphonse then hurrid back over to Ed and placed Charlie back in her stroller. Van and Trisha were both covered in food, and were now looking at their daughter anger and suprise.

"And now for my next trick, I'm gonna make a girl disappear." Lin then ran out of the restaurant. Al headed over to his parents but Ed went over to Ella.

"You know, you should be ashamed of yourself." He began, "You lead a guy on, make him think you have a connection, And you give him a fake phone number." He pulled out his phone and showed her the number she gave him.

"You put it in wrong. That three is supposed to be a two."

"Oh, my bad. So You wanna get a table?" Ella rolled her eyes and walked away.

"My widdle baby, did you miss your mommy and daddy?" Trisha smiled as she took Charlie from Al.

"Yes, she did. Yes, she did." Van said.

"Oh, I never thought I'd be so happy to hear baby talk." Al smiled.

"Alphonse, this isn't Charlie's binky. Where did you get this?" Trisha asked.

"Oh, well, that's actually a really funny story. See, what happened was-" He gestured for the mariachi band to play.

"Too loud!" He shouted. "Tell you later!"

* * *

Back at the house Alphonse was sitting on the couch with his video camera.

"Yeah! Well, Charlie, now you're home safe and sound And everything turned out okay...For you. It would have been okay for us too, but when we got home, Mom started asking all these questions And no one really had an answer to the pee stains in the living room." Trisha then sat down next Alphonse.

"And that's when the truth came out and all the kids got into trouble. So the lesson is if you ever try to pull anything over on mom, Good luck, Charlie." She then got up and left.

"Couldn't have said it better myself."

 


	3. S01E03 - The Curious Case Of Mrs. Dabney

_**Good Luck Charlie** _

_\- S01E03 The Curious Case Of Mrs. Dabney_

* * *

Alphonse was downstairs in the basement on the couch with his video camera.

"Hi, Charlie. It's your big brother Alphonse with my video diary. So today, I want to talk to you about best friends.

"You bragging about me again? Huh." A guy with dark skin short black hair and glasses sat down next to Al on the couch.

"This is Iven. He's my best friend."

"I'm also his hero, the wind beneath his wings, the hip in his hop, the peanut to his butter. I am -"

"The mouth that wouldn't shut." Alphonse turned off the camera.

"So what's the big news?" Al asked, turning back to his friend.

"You are not gonna believe what I did for you. I saw the hottest girl working at the mall food court and tomorrow I'm going to talk to her."

"How is this something you're doing for me?"

"Maybe she has a friend. The hot ones always have a friend. I mean, I have you, right?" It was then that Trisha came downstairs with a load of laundry.

"Hi, boys. Whatcha you doing?" Alphonse and Iven both immediately turned to their phones and began texting each other.

"Nothin'." They both said.

"How's it going, Iven?"

"Real good."

*Ignore her. She'll go away.* Al texted.

"You boys are always on those phones. Who are you texting now?"

"Nobody." Al replied. *Clueless!*

"I wish I could do that. Hey, then you and I could text each other. Wouldn't that be fun?"

"Oh my gosh, mom, I'd love that!" Al said. *Eeww*

"I don't think I can text from this phone." Trisha said as she pulled out her old phone.

"Oh, well." Al sighed.

"Oh, well! Sure you can, miss E." Iven began, "What's your number?"

*Not ignoring!* Al texted. Trisha gave Iven her number and he began to text on his phone, and thena bell went of.

"What is that noise?" Trisha asked.

"I just sent you a text. Just hit that button to read it."

"Well, look at that. Oh, that's funny, Iven." Trisha smiled.

"Then your response is L.O.L., laugh out loud." Trisha then began to laugh.

"No no, mom. You don't do it, you type it." Al started.

"Or if you want to get a little saucy, You can wink." Trisha then gave Iven a wink.

"Not there." Iven began, "There." He said pointing to her phone, " Just a semicolon and parentheses."

"Oh, that does look like a wink. I can't believe I'm finally a texter. Let's see if it works from the kitchen!" Trisha then happily skipped upstairs. Al then began texting Iven annoyingly.

"W.H.Y.D.?" Iven asked.

"What have you done?"

* * *

Edward was sitting on the porch with Charlie sitting in a baby seat next to him. He was playing his guitar, and when he finished, Charlie started clapping.

"Yeah, this is way more fun since you've learned how to clap." Ed smiled.

"Don't ignore me! When I tell you to do something, I expect you to do it!" Ed could hear the loud couple next door fighting again.

"Get off my back, woman!"

"You want me off your back? I can arrange that."

"Charlie, those are our neighbors, the Dabneys." Ed sighed. "They've been married a long time." Lin then started up the porch steps.

"Hey, Edward, I just kicked the football Into the Dabneys' backyard. Will you go get it?" She nervously asked.

"No way! They're going at it again."

"Well, what about the football?"

"Who cares? It's gone. Kiss it goodbye."

"Well, I'm glad to hear you say that Because it was your football." She then smirked and walked away while Ed sulked in his seat.

* * *

Ed climbed over the gate that divided his house and the Dabney's house. He tiptoed over to the front porch where the football lay, but he stopped when he heard the couple again.

"Ha! I warned you! That's what you get for being a bad husband! And now you're dead!" Ed freaked out and ran back to the gate and jumped back over. A middle aged woman with short red hair and a long silk dress came outside. She was carrying a spit in her hand.

"Is somebody out here? Who's out here?" She then noticed the football and stabbed it with her spit before walking back inside.

* * *

Ed came running back into the house, completely freaked. Lin was sitting on the couch watching T.V.

"Where's the football?" Lin asked.

"Forget the football!" Ed began in a panic, "Mrs. Dabney just murdered Mr. Dabney!"

"What?!"

"I heard her talking to his corpse. It was chilling."

"Just so I'm clear, You didn't get the football?"

"I'm serious, Lin."

"Come on! Mrs. Dabney may be a mean, vicious, cruel, Horrible, nasty old witch, But she'd never do something like that."

"You don't believe me?"

"No."

"Fine. Fine, I'll prove it. Come here, Lin." Ed picked up the phone and dialed in the Dabney's number. It rang a few times before Mrs. Dabney picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Is Mr. Dabney home?" Ed asked in a voice she wouldn't recognize.

"He can't come to the phone."

"Interesting."

"Who is this?"

"Uh I'm... some sort of salesman."

"Lin, is that you?"

"Why would you assume my name is Lin?"

"Because I have caller ID."

"Oh! Then yeah, it's Lin." He then hung up.

"Hey!" Lin glared.

"Whoo! She's cool under pressure, I'll give her that."

"Edward, she's not a murderer."

"I heard what I heard, Lin. Why don't you believe me?"

"Because you're you and you get things wrong."

"What are you saying, that I'm stupid?"

"Well, no. You're just not very - Thinky."

"Thinky? Lin, why would you say something like that?"

"Cause mom said I can't call you stupid."

* * *

Alphonse walked back into his room where Iven was sitting on his bed texting.

"It is so pathetic." Al started as he sat down, "My mom's in the kitchen texting away. God, I'd hate to be on the other end of that conversation. Who are you texting?"

"Your mom."

"Oh I am so sorry. Look, I promise I'll get her out of your hair."

"No, it's okay. Your mom's cool."

"My mom is what?"

"And she's really funny.":

"My mom is what?" Then a ding went off.

"Wait, that's her again."

"What are you talking about with my mom?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?! That's what say to her!" Iven then started laughing.

"Hold on, I have to L. O. L. her."

"Okay, well "L. O. L. has officially lost all meaning."

"I'm sorry. Is this a problem for you?"

"No, I just think it's a little bit inappropriate."

"Inappropriate? Now you sound like my mother."

"Well, how would you know what your mother sounds like? You've been spending so much time with mine!"

"What are you getting so whacked about? You didn't want to text her."

"Well yeah, that's because she's my mom, not my friend. Wouldn't you be weirded out if I was texting your mom?"

"Yes, Because she doesn't have a cell phone. Look, Al, if you're not cool with this, I'll just stop."

"No no, I don't care. I mean, it's a free country. Go crazy text my mom, I.M. My dad, video-Chat my aunt helen."

"Oh! Your aunt helen? Your mom says she is da bomb diggitty!"

"My mom really said "da bomb diggitty"?"

"Well, I might have added that part."

* * *

Ed was sitting in the living room watching T.V. mysteries when Lin came in through the door.

"Edward, you've got to stop watching these mysteries." Lin said.

"Not until I figure out how to catch Mrs. Dabney. These old movies are gonna help me do that."

"That's like saying cartoons will teach you How to run through walls." Then the door bell went off.

"Mom! Can you get that?!" Lin shouted as she slouched down on the couch. Trisha came walking out of the kitchen.

"Sure, I'll get the door. I am a lot closer to it." She said sarcastically. She opened the door and Mrs. Dabney was there.

"Hello, Mrs. Dabney." Edward jumped from his seat.

"Hello."

"Come on in." Ed nudged Lin in the arm.

"Heads up! Killer in the house." He whispered.

"What has Lin done this time?" Trisha asked.

"For once, nothing... that I know of." She glared at the girl.

"It's nice to see you too." Lin said through a sickeningly sweet voice.

"I'd like to speak with your husband, please." Mrs. Dabney continued.

"I'll let him know you're here." She then pulled out her phone and began texting, " I'm a texter now. I'm texting. Really speeds things up." Mrs. Dabney rolled her eyes and turned back to the two on the couch.

"Somebody lose a ball today?" She asked.

"Possibly." Ed began, " Did you lose anything today, Mrs. Dabney?" It was then that Van came down the stairs.

"Honey, what does this mean: "somebody's at the doof?"

" O.M.G. I meant door" She giggled. "T.T.Y.L." She then left the room.

"What can I do for you, Mrs. Dabney?" van asked as he turned to the lady.

"You're an exterminator, right"

"Pest control specialist. yes"

"Maybe you can help me with a problem I'm having. How do I get the smell of death out of my house?" Ed and Lin both jumped.

"So you think something died in your house?"

"Oh, I know something's dead."

"Well, first thing you're gonna have to do Is locate and dispose of the carcass. I suppose you could get Mr. Dabney to do that."

"Oh, Mr. Dabney won't be doing anything Around the house for a while A long while. He's gone." Ed and Lin nervously looked at each other and kind of just froze, not moving an inch.

"What's wrong with your kids today?" Mrs. Dabney asked as she noticed their odd behavior.

"I just got here." Van sighed. "Um, all right, old trick of the trade Get yourself some maple syrup, put it on the stove, Let it simmer that should get rid of the smell."

"Thank you. That's very useful information. Bye, kids." The two just stared at her as she left. A ding went off and Van checked his phone.

"I.T.B.O.O.T.P. What does that stand for?" He called out.

"In the bathroom out of toilet paper!" Trisha called back.

" T.M.I." Van murmured and left.

"I can't believe it, but you were right! Mrs. Dabney did it!" Lin exclaimed as she shot off the couch.

"Wow! This is what it feels like to be right, huh? I like it! Too bad somebody had to die, but -"

"What are we gonna do now?"

"We have to tell mom and dad!"

"They're never gonna believe you. I didn't believe you and I'm 10."

"Well, then we need proof, and I have to warn you, Lin, until we get that proof, Our lives may be in danger."

* * *

Alphonse and Iven were sitting in the living room doing homework.

"What'd you get for number nine?" Al asked.

"Switzerland."

"Well, that's odd since we're doing math." Alphonse then got up when he heard someone knocking on the door. When opened it Mrs. Wence stood there.

"Hi." Al smiled.

"Hi." She replied and came into the house.

"Mom, what are you doing here? You weren't supposed to pick me up until 5:00." Iven said as he stood up.

"Alphonse left a message and said to come by early Something about "chilling"?"

"Yeah, that's right. Thought your mom and I could chill for a little while."

"Really? This is what you're doing?" Iven asked unbelieving.

"Yeah well, this is what we're doing, So if you will excuse us, - We'd like a little privacy please."

"Sure. Fine. I'll be in the kitchen with your mom." Iven then went into the kitchen.

"Come on over." Al said as he sat down on the couch. "Sit down next to me, girl"

"What's this all about?" Mrs. Wence began as she sat down, "Is Iven in trouble?"

"Oh, no!"

"Is he back on the chocolate?"

"No no no, Iven's fine. I just wanted to spend some time With one of the cool moms." Mrs. Wence just stared at her. "You." Al clarified.

"Oh, Okay."

` "I love your outfit." Al said, trying to break the awkward silence. "Where'd you get it?"

"My closet."

"You are so funny. I bet you get that a lot, right?"

"No."

"No?"

"Are we done chilling?"

"Yes. Yes, we are because it is time to Par-Tay." Al then went and turned the stereo on. "Let's get this jam started! Yeah! Come on, Miss W! Let your freak flag fly!" He said as he started dancing.

"That's kind of loud. Could you lower that, please?"

"Yeah." He then went to turn it down.

"A little bit more. A little bit more." It was now dead silent.

"Perfect." Al looked around trying to find something else to do. He then spotted his camera.

"Hey, want to do something fun? I like making these video diaries for my baby sister. So how about we say hi?" He turned the camera on and sat down next to Mrs. Wence. "Hi, Charlie, it's Alphonse here With my new friend Mrs. Wence.

"Hello."

"Let's see how we look. Oh, I'd date us. Wouldn't you?"

"I'm married." Alphonse sighed and turned of the camera.

"Okay, that's enough of that. No, you know what? We've been doing a lot of my fun stuff. Tell me tell me about you. What do you like to do for fun?"

"I like to knit."

"That is so cool because, because... anything else?"

"I like to read."

"Oh, yeah? Me too. What kind of stuff do you like to read?"

"Knitting magazines."

"That's awesome. I mean, we have so much in common You know, once I start reading knitting magazines, Which you're pulling out of your bag." Mrs. Wence pulled out a knitting magazine.

* * *

Edward jumped up on top of the gate and sat there while looking down at his sisters.

"Okay, she's gone. Here's how this is gonna go down. I'm gonna jump over the fence, you hand Charlie to me, and then -"

"Or I could just walk through the gate Like this." Lin said as she opened the gate that Ed was sitting on. She was carrying Charlie in her arms. You did know there was a gate, right?"

"Yes, would I be riding on top of it if I didn't?" He then hopped of the gate to the ground.

" Now what?" Lin asked.

"Now it's time to begin operation "catch a killer" While babysitting." They both headed up to the porch. Lin put Charlie down on the deck before heading back over to Ed where they began looking through the windows.

"So, what are we looking for?" Lin asked

"Evidence, clues, a weapon. Mr. Dabney's rotting corpse would be nice."

"Oh my gosh, that's horrible!"

"What? What do you see?"

"That paint color It's so wrong for that room!" Ed just stared at Lin.

"I watch a lot of design shows." She said.

"Focus! - Look, something's moving.

"Where?"

"By the couch, right right there. It's a baby!"

"It's Charlie!"

"No, it's not. Charlie's right over" He turned to look at Charlie but noticed that she wasn't there. "Inside the murder house!"

* * *

Alphonse was slouching on the couch as Mrs. Wence was knitting"

"Okay, try to stay with me now," Mrs. Wence began, "Because we're going to get a little wild. Instead of knit one, purl two, We kick it up to knit one, purl three!"

"Is that even legal?" Al asked in a bored tone of voice.

"I don't know, But I just like living dangerously!"

"Okay," Al jumped off the couch. "I'm gonna go get something to drink. Do you want anything?"

"Oh, not now. I'm in the zone!" Al rolled his eyes as he entered the kitchen. Iven was sitting at the table and Al joined him.

"What you doing in here?" Iven asked.

"Giving up." Al sighed.

"Did she suck the life out of you?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Now you see why I'm always at your house."

"Yeah, I'm so sorry. I was being selfish with my mom, and even though I think it's a little bit weird, You can text her as much as you want."

"I think I got a better idea."

* * *

Mrs. Wence was sitting on the couch with Trisha as she showed her how to text.

"And then, get this, If you type in a semicolon parentheses, you get a"

"Winky face! I have got to get a cell phone."

"I like it." Al said from the kitchen window. "You put our moms together And they leave us alone. You are brilliant."

"See, this is why we're best friends. I'm brilliant and you recognize it."

"Now if I type "R.O.T.F. do I actually have to roll on the floor?" Mrs. Wence asked.

"I thought the same thing at first, But no." Trisha replied.

* * *

Edward dug through his pockets and pulled out his keys.

"This'll get her out. Charlie loves things that rattle." He then got down on his stomach and put his arm through the cat door, and started jiggling the keys. "Okay, girl, Charlie, come on, get the keys, get the ke-! Aw, man! I dropped the keys." He pulled his arm out and stood up.

"Fantastic! Now we can't get into our house either." Lin said. They went back to the window and started looking for Charlie.

"I don't see Charlie, where'd she go?" Ed asked.

"Oh, there she is." Charlie was crawling towards a laundry basket and she climbed in and started putting clothes on her head.

"Wait, what is she putting on her head, A dishtowel?" Lin asked.

"Those are 's underpants!" Ed said. They both cringed in disgust

"Man! Come on, we gotta get her out of there." Ed said as he headed to the door.

"What are you doing in my yard?" They both turned to see Mrs. Dabney with groceries in her arms. They both frantically tried to think of something to say.

"We're here... to help you with your groceries." Lin said.

"You want to be helpful?"

"I like to try new things."

"Here, let me give you a hand with that." Ed said as he tried to grab the grocery bags.

"I can handle the groceries. But as long as you're here, I could use your help with something inside."

"Inside? Perfect." Ed nervously smiled. The three headed inside the house.

"Let me just put my groceries down."

"Take your time." Lin said. As soon as Mrs. Dabney was out of the room, Lin and Ed began searching for Charlie.

"Where is she?" Lin asked.

"Look behind the curtains!"

"Okay...Nothing!"

"There she is!" Ed went over to the basket and picked up his baby sister. "Oh, I've got you." He took the underwear of her head on threw it at Lin.

"I don't want it!" Lin then threw the underwear in the fire place. It was then that Mrs. Dabney walked back into the room.

"Where did that baby come from?" She asked.

"Charlie? I've been holding her the whole time." Ed replied.

"You have?"

" That's sad, Mrs. Dabney." Lin started, "They say the eyes are the first things to go."

"We gotta go." Ed said as he tried to exit the murder house.

"Not so fast. Put the baby down." ed reluctantly put Charlie back in the hamper.

"I need you to carry something out for me. I want you to take this trunk out to my car. It's too heavy for me." There was a big black wooden trunk sitting in the corner of the room.

"Why? What's in it?" Ed asked.

"Something I should've Gotten rid of a long time ago."

"Where are you taking it?"

"To the dump. That's where you take trash, isn't it?"

"Trash?! Mr. Dabney wasn't trash, he was a person!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You bumped off your husband and stuffed him into that trunk."

"Is that what you think?!"

"That's what we know!" Mrs. Dabney went over to the fire place and garbed one of the tools.

"What is she oh, watch it! She's kill-Crazy!" Lin cried.

"You want to see what's in here? Take a look." She then pried the trunk open, and Edward and Lin cautiously went over to open it. When they did, they saw a skeleton and freaked out.

"It's Mr. Dabney, and he's already decomposed! " Lin cried. Ed rolled his eyes

"That's not Mr. Dabney." He said.

"That's a skeleton he used in his used to be a science teacher." Mrs. Dabney said.

"But I heard you screaming at him." Ed started, "You called him a bad husband and then you said, And now you're dead!"

"Oh! You must have heard me talking back To someone on my soaps."

"Soaps?" Lin asked.

"Soap operas on tv Like the one they should name after you two "The young and the clueless."

"Well, if Mr. Dabney isn't dead, then where is he?" Ed asked.

"At his mother's probably wishing he was dead."

"Well, then how do you explain the smell of death you asked my dad about?"

"Dead possum in my dryer vent."

"Well, then how do you explain... That's pretty much it, I guess."

"Just one more question." Lin began, "Do you have any cookies?" Mrs. Dabney glared at her and pointed to the door.

"Get out." Ed went to pick up Charlie when Dabney noticed her underwear in the fireplace.

"What are my underpants doing in the fireplace?"

"Gotta go!" Ed said as he and Lin quickly left the house.

* * *

Alphonse was standing in the living room by the door with his camera, when his mom walked in.

"Here she comes! Coolest mom in the world!" He said.

"Okay, what's all this?"

"Oh, just showing Charlie how much I love you."

"Oh, I love you too, sweetie, and I love you too, Charlie."

"Oh, so mom, I've been thinking Maybe you and I should start texting. I mean, you are a pretty cool mom, right?"

"Oh, sorry, honey. Those days are thumbs." She said as she held up two thumbs with bandages. She then headed off into the kitchen.

"Text thumbs? That's our mom From cool to embarrassing just like that. All right. Good luck, Charlie."

 


End file.
